WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??

I got married when I was 18. To my high school sweetheart. We were married 24 years. He was my best friend. At some point it became more of a marriage of comfort than anything else. We didn’t know anything different and we were content. One of us was always gone, traveling for work. It turns out, when you assume that the other person will always be there, and you don’t try to keep them there, that is a HUGE mistake. Eventually he will find someone that will put in the effort. The moral of this sad story is, never stop DATING your husband or wife after you get married. You still have to work at it or someone else will.

That was just a preface that brings us to now. I have been single for a little over 2 years and WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK????!!!! At first I’ll admit the prospect of dating was a little exciting and intimidating. I had a shaved head, I was worried about any man finding me attractive when I had less hair than they did. I didn’t even KNOW any single men. I’m not a drinker, and who wants to go to a bar to meet someone? So of course….online dating is where it’s at, right? FML.

Here are some things I have learned about the online dating world that may help everyone out there who is considering it:

1. Everyone lies. About SOMETHING. For men it’s usually about their jobs or their height. Things they feel most fragile about. For women we tend to lie about our weight or our age. We also tend to Photoshop or filter the shit out of our photos so that we are damn near unrecognizable in person. Let’s stop with the Snapchat filters. It would be sooooo much easier if everyone was just honest….like “Hey I’m Joe, 35, I still live with my mom. I here looking to fuck for one night only and then never see you again.” Someone might actually be down with that.
2. “Dating” as I had imagined it would be, doesn’t exist anymore. I imagined actual “dates” ….. drinks, dinner, coffee…..that would lead to 2nd and 3rd dates etc. Yeah…NO. Turns out, at least in my personal experience, that there is an expectation for sex very quickly. As in first date quickly. If it doesn’t happen…..it’s ON TO THE NEXT. Which is just a right swipe away. And if it DOES happen…..it’s pretty much still the last time you see someone. So not a WIN/WIN if long-term is what you’re looking for here.
3. There is no “happy medium”. There are men that are Fuck Boy status, and there are men that want a long-term relationship after the first date. Both a bit extreme. I’ve not yet met someone in that middle of the road range…you know….willing to get to know each other and see if we actually LIKE one another. Seems with the internet and online dating we are all looking for the next best thing. I don’t think it’s out there. WTF?
4. C R A Z Y…..on both sides of the fence. I had NO idea the length that people go to in order to dupe other people….to lie to get what they want. The stories I’ve heard, the things that have happened to me….. some of them are UNBELIEVABLE. It amazes me still that the truth is still foreign to many adults these days. For example: At one point I was talking to a guy who I later found out made up an entire fake EVERYTHING …..fake name, fake job, fake age….he had a whole identity going because he was married and was dating on the side. A year and a half later he accepted a friend request from me on FB and I got to see his real life…..WIFE, HOUSE, DOGS, FAMILY…..it’s difficult to trust people when you see that type of thing being done over and over. And this is TAME compared to other stories I have, Stay tuned.
5. DICK PICS – guyssssssssssssssss. I get it. You LOVE your dick. LOVE IT. So much that you’re taking the best possible pics of it. On a regular basis. With whatever camera you have available. Hell, it does the majority of your thinking for you. But if you knew ANYTHING about a woman AT ALL, you would know that what we’re most interested in is words. WORDS. We want you to tell us things. Communicate. If it has to be about your dick then describe it to me, don’t show me a picture. Get it? We KNOW you’re visual creatures….so YOU look at your dick. 😉
6. Ladies……class. Please. Keep your shirt on. You do NOT have to send a naked picture just because he asked for it. FUCK HIM. FUCK THAT. He is asking for boyfriend priviledges when you maybe even haven’t met. RESPECT.  You deserve it.

There are so many more. But these are the ones that come to the front of my mind just now. Feel free to add some of your own findings. I’d LOVE to hear them and share.

Of course there are a few good ones here and there. The diamonds in the rough. Few and far between. The ones that give us hope that not everyone is a completely fucked up soul in this universe. The ones you meet that stay with you for one reason or another. For me, it’s always a timing issue, or a geography issue, or both. Or quite honestly, I was married over half my life and I haven’t been ready for anything real until now anyway, so I was able to find fault in just about everyone to explain why it could never work with them.

If you are single and searching for something….good luck. May the odds be ever in your favor.

xoxoxo

Annie